SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
