At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How external is "for external use only"?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
