ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
