Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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