Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
