I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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