I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
