No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
