I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
