I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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