Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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