The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
