Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
