Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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