I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
