OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
