I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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