I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
