The maid of honor just puked.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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