this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
