dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
