carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
