She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
