I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
