we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My life is pants optional.
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