Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
