We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
