I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
