I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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