I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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