i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
