i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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