last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
