discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
