just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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