The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm getting married
To pizza
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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