OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
