that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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