Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
