That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
