i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
