census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
