i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
