White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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