you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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