Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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