the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
