saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
