it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
