3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
