oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
